A Critique of Mothering on Mother’s Day

I am writing this on Mother’s Day evening. Usually, I try to make it to South Carolina to spend time with my mother, but I didn’t make it this time.

I wished my mom then and all mothers now a Happy Mother’s Day.

I want to critique a certain type of mothering. And I do mean to critique, not to criticize. To critique means to evaluate a person or their actions and offer suggestions for improvement. For a teacher, this might mean a better essay. For a marriage counselor, a better sex life. For a cleric, actions that align more with God’s wishes. Critiquing is meant to be, at worst, a neutral act. Critiquing, at best, is a path to growth and development as one learns from the critique.

Criticizing is different. Criticizing means expressing disapproval based on perceived faults or mistakes. When you criticize someone, it is less about improving the person or their actions and more about demonstrating one’s superiority.

This piece is a critique, not a criticism.

Natural Growth and Concerted Cultivation

Many people implicitly assume that effective parenting can be reduced to fulfilling your child’s basic human needs: love, food, water, shelter, and safety. If a parent consistently meets these needs, the logic goes, they have been good (or at least not harmful) parents.

Some parents may even remove love or emotional connection from the list of essentials, as Denzel…